


In Another Life...

by Hyperionova



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 10:13:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11987712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyperionova/pseuds/Hyperionova
Summary: Warning: brief mentions of sexual harassment.(Reposting an old fic)





	In Another Life...

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: brief mentions of sexual harassment.  
> (Reposting an old fic)

"I have two buttons," Sehun said in his sweet, low voice, sliding one of the blue buttons on the dining table over to Kai. "You can have one."

"Thanks," Kai muttered monotonously, feeling a little low-spirited. It was bad enough that he had to tutor Sehun even in this distressing situation. There wasn't much that people could do when they found out that they had flunked their Mathematics exam.

"Hold it and clutch it in your palm," Sehun murmured, making a demonstration.

Kai sighed. "Like this?" He took the button and fisted it.

Sehun nodded, smiling widely. "Do you like the button?"

"Yes. Very much," Kai lied. He didn't get what the hype about a button was, but he supposed nothing made much sense when it involved Sehun.

They had been neighbours for years and they used to play together when they were children. Except that Sehun never grew up even after all those years. Not mentally and emotionally at least.

Even at the age of 18, he was behaving like a 5-year-old. He couldn't be blamed. He didn't ask to be born this way. However, there were instances when he did behave like an adult but they were decidedly scarce. Kai could probably keep count of the times Sehun had spoken rationally in just his right hand.

And Kai had been in love with him forever. Even before he knew about Sehun's devastating malady.

"I'm hungry," Sehun mewled and Kai ignored him for a second, crushed by his Maths' score and the thought of his father's unsparing reaction that was in store for him. "Kai," Sehun whined, pouting.

"Hmm?"

"Where's your mother?"

Kai lifted his gaze to look up at Sehun in horror. After all these years, Sehun waws only bothering to inquire about Kai's mother now? "She's gone, Sehun."

"Like my mother?" he asked, tilting his head to the side in either confusion or curiosity.

"No. She left me and my dad." Kai answered, frowning.

"Why?"

Again, Sehun was like an inquisitive child. He never spoke rationally. "I don't really know," Kai replied calmly. "Come on. Do your work."

"My mother died by giving birth to me."

"I know," Kai said quickly.

"People say I killed her."

"Enough. Do your work." It had apparently been a joke for some people. That was how the speculation, the "joke" circulated. That Sehun had killed his mother with his stupidity even by birth. Not everyone was evil to him. But you know, it was vexing when you have a child around you at all times, for years to come.

"I'm hungry," Sehun said again, kicking Kai's foot under the table.

"Shall I get you a cookie or something?"

"Cookie!" Sehun chimed excitedly. Kai smiled at him and sauntered into the kitchen before returning with the cookie jar. He handed it over to Sehun and the latter happily opened the lid, fishing out two chocolate cookies. "Here." He held one out to Kai with his cheeks crimsoning, flushed and shy.

"It's okay. Thanks." Kai waved him off.

Sehun held the cookie with both hands and took a slow, gentle bite, as though he did not want to hurt the cookie. "My friends said I'm stupid."

Kai scowled. "Who said that?"

"I don't remember their names." Only Sehun wouldn't remember the names of the people he called his 'friends'.

"And why are they your _friends_ if they called you that?!"

Sehun smiled. "They like me. They always ask me to carry their bags. And they like sharing my food."

"You mean they take your food!"

"No. I give them. They say thank you."

"God." Kai slumped back against his seat. Sehun went to an ordinary school and had repeated the 3rd grade like for the umpteenth time before he was finally allowed to join the 9th graders. "They are not your friends, Sehun."

"They are." Sehun frowned and put half of the cookie down.

"No. Don't carry their bags. Don't give them your food."

"Then they won't like me."

Kai heaved a sigh and palmed his face. He hated moments like this. Moments when he just wished he could hide Sehun in his pocket and keep him away from the cruel world. Moments like last week when they went to the town and Sehun was picking pebbles from the ground, singing _'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star'_. Everyone that strolled by leered and laughed at him.

Or like the other time when Kai caught Sehun's cousin touching Sehun everywhere and Sehun didn't even realize he was being molested. When Kai pulled Sehun away from his cousin after giving the other guy a tight slap across his face, Sehun was angry at Kai for hitting his _favourite cousin_.

"Do you need friends like them?" Kai asked. "You have me, don't you?"

"Kai don't want me." Sehun gave a crooked smile. "I am stupid. You are brilliant!" he exclaimed proudly.

"Yeah, right. brilliant," Kai scoffed. "I failed my Maths today."

Sehun giggled and reached out to stroke Kai's cheek with his fingers. "Don't cry. We can hit maths!" Irrational and silly, but it made Kai smile.

"What are you going to do if I left one day?"

Sehun withdrew his hand and stared at Kai with a puzzled look. "What do you mean?"

"I'll have to go to college soon and won't be able to see you."

"No." Sehun's eyes welled up with tears almost instantly. "Kai won't leave."

"I will, Sehun. So, don't let people bully you. I won't be here to protect you then."

"Will you leave me like your mother left you? No, Kai. Nonononononono."

"Shh. I said I'm going to college. Not die."

A tear rolled down Sehun's cheek. "You will... keep the button, right?"

"I will."

"Then name it Sehun. Kai can talk to me then!" He perked back up. Kai imagined himself talking to a button. "And I'll call this Kai!" He held his own button to his chest. "No. Keep them." He gave Kai the other button as well. "In case you lost that one. But don't lose it, okay?"

"But then you won't have any." Kai didn't even ask Sehun where he had gotten these buttons from in the first place.

"It's okay. For Kai, Sehun will give everything!"

"Is that a promise?"

"Yes!"

Kai grinned, biting his bottom lip.

"Kai," Sehun called. "Will you wash my hair?"

Kai nodded. He helped Sehun bathe whenever Sehun stayed over, not that Kai wanted to complain about that anyway. He actually liked watching Sehun play with the bubbles and every single time, when Sehun tried hard to not to look at his own shaft, it made Kai laugh. What was so strange about looking at their own genitals? Kai never understood.

"When are you leaving?" Sehun asked.

"Next year. Don't worry."

"Then give my buttons back."

"What? Why?"

"You will lose them."

"I won't." Kai rolled his eyes. "Have some faith in me for god’s sake."

"Yes, you will. Give them back!" He sounded angry then and Kai quickly returned the buttons.

* * *

"Close your eyes."

"Mmph." Sehun clenched his eyes shut as Kai rinsed Sehun's shampooed hair. "It's in my mouth."

"Then close your mouth."

"Mmph."

Customarily, a teenager of Kai's age would have felt vexed, or at least weirded out, about cleaning another teenager but Kai somehow found it fun, even stress-relieving. And Sehun loved bathing in Kai's bathroom because there was a tub.

He was sitting in it, cupping the bubbles as Kai used the head of the shower to wash Sehun's hair, perched on a stool.

 _Friends_ wasn't even the word to describe their relationship anymore. Which was another joke around their neighbourhood and it went around like this; Kai the paedophile. But Kai didn't mind. Those foul-mouths didn't know any better.

"Wash your body thoroughly and come out," Kai ordered and stepped out of the bathroom. He still had tons of homework to do and since Sehun was going to stay the night, he probably would have to work on an excuse to tell his teachers tomorrow. And of course, it can't be about Kai taking care of a boy with this... difficulty.

"Jesus. Wipe yourself." He hurled a towel at Sehun when the latter followed right after Kai.

As Sehun dried himself, Kai rummaged through the wardrobe before fishing out a pair of pyjamas for Sehun to wear. He had lost count of how many of his clothes Sehun had borrowed and hadn't returned. "Can you put it on me?" Sehun asked.

Kai sighed heavily and adopted a crouch, holding the pyjama pants in place as Sehun stepped into them. He yanked the pants up before helping Sehun pull the shirt on. The doorbell shrieked downstairs all of a sudden and Sehun jumped with a start. Kai hurried down to get the door. Sehun giggled unnecessarily running behind Kai.

"Oh. Hi, Mrs. Jung," Kai greeted Sehun's nanny.

"Oh hey, Kai." She was a really old lady but a nice one at that. She had been the only one taking care of Sehun for as long as Kai could remember. "I just came by to see if Sehun's fine."

"I am fine, Mimi," Sehun sang, clinging to Kai's arm.

"I can see that, sunny boy." She reached up to ruffle Sehun's wet hair. "I guess I could go home then?"

"You should," Kai said.

"Is he studying well?"

"Diligently. He's doing really great in Science."

"Wow. That's great. His father is working late again tonight. So, I hope it's not too much trouble."

"Not at all." Kai offered a reassuring smile.

"Alright then. You boys have fun. Oh, and here's Sehun's school uniform." She handed Kai the folded and pressed clothes.

Once Kai had closed the door, Sehun leaned in and kissed Kai's cheek. Kai's jaw fell slack a little and Sehun giggled before trying to run away. Kai caught his wrist and Sehun whined, frustrated by the fact that Kai had caught him so fast.

"Whoa," Kai laughed. "What was that for?"

"You said I'm great in Science."

It was a lie but Kai was willing to lie a shedload of times to make Sehun happy. "Then tomorrow, I'm gonna tell your dad that you're great in Maths."

Of course, Sehun couldn't understand the gist of Kai's expression but he blushed. "Let go," he mumbled, pulling his hand. Kai released it.

"My dad will be back late tonight too. Should we order pizza?"

"Can you make chocolate pudding?"

"No. We have school tomorrow."

"Can you make ice-cream?"

"I can't." Kai wended his way to the kitchen.

"Can you make anything?" Sehun asked with a disappointed grimace. "Kai," he called, looking at the kitchen counter.

Kai turned to Sehun and grabbed his waist, lifting him off the ground to help him sit the counter. He placed his hands on the edge of the counter, on either side of Sehun and looked up at him. "You want milkshake?"

Sehun nodded his head excitedly. "Strawberry."

"We're out of strawberries. Is vanilla okay?"

He nodded again and grabbed Kai's face with both hands. "My friends asked me if I have a girlfriend." He rubbed Kai's cheekbones with his thumbs and then dropped his hands.

"And what did you say?"

"I do. I have one..." He counted with his fingers. "Two... threeee. Girlfriends." Kai knew his 'girlfriends' all right. Those three girls around seven years old who lived around the corner.

Kai laughed and pulled away from him, heading to the fridge. "What did they say?"

"They laughed like you just did."

Kai swallowed and pretended to be leering deeper in the fridge, though the milkshake was right before his eyes.

"I'm sleepy," Sehun murmured.

"Let's drink this and go to bed."

* * *

"I don't like that story," Sehun spat with angrily. "It doesn't have a happy ending."

"What? Little Red Riding Hood does have a happy ending, Sehun."

Sehun yanked their comforter up to his chest. His foot was brushing Kai's ankle. "What about the wolf? Bad lumberjack killed him. It's violent."

"Okay. How about this one and we're going to sleep."

"Okay. Make it a happy one."

"Hm. Alright. Once upon a time, there lived a Sehun."

Sehun giggled. "And a Kai!"

"Yeah," Kai snickered. "And a Kai."

"He was a Prince."

"Will you be his Princess then?"

"What? I can't be a Princess." Sehun laughed like Kai was sounding absolutely ridiculous.

"So, yeah. Sehun was so beautiful. And kind."

"Then why don't people like him, Kai?" Sehun's tone mellowed sorrowfully then. He almost sounded rational. "Why didn't my mother like him?"

"Because they don't know him like I do. I like you, Sehun."

"You're my friend. You're supposed to say that." Sehun's fingertip traced the pattern on Kai's t-shirt.

"I like you."

"Me too."

"You're lying, Sehun."

"I'm stupid, Kai." He scooted closer and tucked his head under Kai's chin. Kai froze. "Kai is handsome. Sehun is stupid."

"Shh." Kai wrapped his arms around Sehun's body.

"I'm happy when I'm around Kai."

"I'm happy when I'm around Sehun."

* * *  


"It's senior prom for god's sake!" Hyerim cried when Kai informed his group of friend that he wouldn't be going to prom.

"She's right. Last year, dude." Suho punched Kai lightly on his arm. Kai still couldn't focus on the conversation. In fact, he had been distracted the whole day. It had something to do with the way Sehun had behaved in the morning when Kai was fixing Sehun's neck tie. Sehun almost leaned in and kissed Kai's mouth but he pulled back before something like that could happen. Kai had confessed his feelings last night but he perfectly knew that Sehun wouldn't have taken that seriously.

"Kai," Tao called and jerked his chin at the gates of the school. Kai followed his gaze and found Sehun crouching down, petting a stray cat. "Isn't that your nutty friend?"

"Neighbour," Hyerim corrected.

"See you guys tomorrow." Kai excused himself and loosened his tie as he approached Sehun. "Sehun."

"Hey!" Sehun flashed a Cheshire grin and jolted up.

"What are you doing here?" His school was like two kilometres away from Kai's.

"I wanted to walk home with Kai."

Kai clenched his fists fiercely when he saw Sehun's blazer stained. "What happened?"

"Oh," Sehun murmured. "I... spilled my food."

"Don't lie, Sehun."

"I'm not lying."

"Did those kids do this?"

"No. My friends just got mad because of me. It was my fault."

Kai shook his head in disappointment and unbuttoned Sehun's blazer. Sehun let Kai pull the clothing off his shoulders. "I asked what happened."

"I told them I don't want to carry their bags."

"So, they did this."

"I'm fine."

Kai noticed his friends staring at him and whispering shit into each other’s ears. "C'mon. Let's go home."

Sehun followed Kai quietly all the way back home. "You're mad at me," he said at some point, pouting sadly when Kai stopped to let Sehun catch up to him.

"No, I'm not. I'm mad at them. You're gonna tell me who those bastards are."

Sehun reached out and held Kai's hand. "Three more people to laugh at Sehun won't hurt much, Kai."

"Sehun." Kai frowned.

"You are right." Sehun smiled but his eyes were glistening with stubborn tears. "You are my friend and that's enough for me."

Kai fought the urge to hug Sehun in the middle of the road and pulled Sehun's hand to walk forward.

Sehun halted in his tracks abruptly and stared at an old homeless man, who was clad in tattered rags, sitting on the roadside.

"Kai," he breathed out and dropped his backpack to the ground before rummaging through it. He pulled out the sandwich that Kai had wrapped up for him this morning and walked towards the homeless man. He crouched before him and said, "Here."

He pressed the sandwich into the man's hands. The homeless man opened his mouth to smile and his teeth were all ruined. Sehun stood up immediately after giving him the sandwich and ran back to Kai. He clung onto Kai's blazer and turned his head around to look back at the man. "He's scary."

"Why did you give him your sandwich then?" Kai laughed as they started back home.

"So that he won't become a hungry wolf."

"Like in Little Red Riding Hood?"

"Hm-hm."

"You're so easily influenced."

"I've decided," he said suddenly.

"What did you decide?"

"I will go with Kai when you leave."

"What? Sehun, that's not possible."

"It is. Sehun will go wherever Kai's going."

Kai smiled and draped an arm over Sehun's shoulders. "If you could, then I wouldn't mind at all."

* * *

"Try it this way," Kai grunted as he tried to teach Sehun multiplication but Sehun was giggling, biting his pencil, completely distracted. "Sehun, stop giggled and do your work."

"Kai."

"What?"

"Sehun have something for Kai." He reached down into his backpack and pulled out a piece of paper. "Mm." He held out the folded paper. "Don't read now. Read it in the bathroom when I'm not watching."

"God." Kai smirked. "Then I'm going to the toilet now."

"No! Not now!"

"Okay, okay." Kai set the paper aside. “So bossy.”

And later that evening, once Sehun had bathed, this time on his own, and pulled on Kai's oversized shirt that reached to his thighs without his pants on, he perched on the edge of the bed.

"Don't touch it, Sehun," Kai warned him. Sehun had this habit of fiddling with Kai's phone and he had already broken two before.

Sehun smirked and poked the phone which was on the bedside table with one finger and withdrew his hand immediately. 

"Sehun, seriously. Don't."

He reached out and touched the phone with one finger again before retrieving it again. "Hehehe."

Kai rolled his eyes. "Do whatever you want." He stepped into the bathroom. He leaned against the sink counter and unfolded the paper that Sehun had given him earlier. There were colourful scribblings of flowers and hearts all over the paper.

'Sehun ♥ Kai' was written in pink and purple in the middle of the paper. Kai wasn't sure what he was happier about. Sehun's confession or the fact that Sehun had spelled their names correctly.

* * *

"Sehun?" Kai stepped out of the bathroom after taking a brief, cold shower. Sehun looked up at Kai with puppy eyes. He was holding Kai's phone in his hands.

"I broke it," Sehun mumbled sadly, jutting out his lower lip. Kai rolled his eyes and walked over to him before snatching the phone from Sehun.

"It's just locked." He plumped down on the bed at Sehun's side.

"What is that?" Sehun pointed at Kai's t-shirt.

"It's a logo. Coldplay."

"Oh." Sehun obviously didn't understand but he didn't ask anything more.

"Sehun," Kai called, gripping on the edge of the bed. "I... read your letter." It wasn't exactly a letter but yeah.

"No." Sehun frowned and looked away embarrassedly, blushing. Kai held Sehun's jaw and turned his face to meet his eyes. Sehun refused to look up at Kai and kept gaze low.

"It was beautiful."

"Really?" His lips begin to stretch into a faint grin. "Kai like it?"

Kai nodded and smiled back. "But..."

"Now Kai can have all of my buttons," Sehun giggled.

"No, Sehun." He cupped Sehun's face and brushed his hair at the side of his head. "I... am..."

Sehun cocked his head and waited for Kai to continue.

Kai sucked in a deep breath. "I am a zombie."

"No!" Sehun screeched and burst out laughing.

"Oh yes, I am!" Kai lifted his arms and made a bellowing noise, trying to imitate a zombie.

"Noooooo!" Sehun shot up from the bed.

"I want to eat your braaaaaain!"

Sehun guffawed and bolted out of the room before Kai went after him, making monstrous noises. "Not my brain!" Sehun cried while giggling, hopping down the stairs.

"Braaaaaainsss." Kai caught up after Sehun.

Sehun sprinted into the living room and screamed when Kai caught hold of his arm. He shoved Kai back before tumbling over the couch with his legs dangling over the armrest. He giggled at the top of his lungs as Kai crawled on top of him, trapping Sehun under him. Sehun dug his nails into Kai's chest over the fabric of the t-shirt.

"I got no brain, Kai." he snickered and Kai's smile faltered.

"Don't say things like that," Kai chided.

"Get off me!" Sehun pounded his fists on Kai's chest when Kai sat on his stomach.

"Now, tell me what was that letter all about."

Sehun quieted, pursing his lips, and he slipped his hands down Kai's abdomen. "Eidunno," he whispered, tugging at the hem of Kai's t-shirt.

Kai leaned down and cupped the sides of Sehun’s face in his hands. Sehun gazed straight into Kai's eyes. His body processed like an adult, did it not? He might not understand but he still had hormones and stuff.

"Sehun loves Kai?" Kai asked in a breathy whisper.

Sehun chewed on his bottom lip before nodding his head twice. "Soooo much," he breathed out.

"How much?" Kai smirked. "How long have you been loving me? Is this new or have you had this crush on me forever?"

Sehun blushed so red and started prodding his fingers into Kai's abs under the t-shirt. "Kai... love Sehun?"

"Sooooo much," Kai whispered and bowed his head closer until their lips were only inches apart.

"Kai want to kiss Sehun?" He was no longer looking at Kai's eyes but everywhere else.

"Can I?" Kai asked.

Sehun clenched his eyes tightly. Kai smiled but his heart hurt so badly. He brushed his lips on Sehun's and pulled back to see Sehun's reaction. Sehun looked calm. Kai let their lips meet once more, this time with a little firmer. His tongue darted out and the tip grazed Sehun's bottom lip. Very gently, he sucked on the lip, leaving it red and tender, he kissed it again. Kai's lips traced Sehun's jawline before placing a chaste kiss on his chin and claimed his lips back. Sehun wasn't reacting at all and for an instant, Kai wondered if he had fallen asleep.

But then Sehun whimpered softly when Kai's hand brushed his thigh, pulling the baggy shirt up. Sehun brought his knees up and Kai caressed Sehun's rear along the curve, lips still lingering on Sehun's. Sehun's hands crept up Kai's t-shirt and his palms burned on his abdomen.

Kai broke the kiss and got off Sehun abruptly, fighting for breath. This was more than enough. Sehun had given him just about so much. "You should go to sleep," Kai said, flushed. Sehun sat up, smiling to himself.

"Okie," Sehun mumbled and touched his lips with his fingers, still grinning like an idiot. He reclined back down on the couch.

"Sehun, march upstairs."

"Hm-mh." Sehun shook his head once and made himself comfortable on the couch. Kai swallowed, staring at Sehun, who was half-naked.

"My dad will kill me if he finds you like this here."

Sehun closed eyes, ignoring Kai.

"Sehun, I still have homework to do." 

"Good night, Kai."

Kai groaned and went to get his books before returning shortly after. He plumped on the coffee table before the couch and tried to do some Calculus. He stared at the numbers and was reminded of the Maths exam from two weeks back. And yesterday, he had gotten the result and of course, he failed. Kai, the Mathematician—his nickname in school, had pathetically failed and no one knew why except Kai himself.

Nevertheless, he spent the hour doing his Calculus and when he was finally done, he glanced over at Sehun sleeping soundly. His dad would be back soon. Kai decided to bear Sehun up to the room. He was heavy, yes, but Kai delighted in it. He found everything about Sehun enjoyable. 

As if on cue, he heard the front door swing open once he had tucked Sehun in. He hurried back downstairs and caught his dad making his way to the kitchen, dead on his feet.

"Dad," Kai called.

"Hey, son," he said without looking at Kai.

"I... have something to tell you," Kai said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Yeah?"

"Are you hungry? I ordered some Chinese takeout. It's in the fridge. Shall I heat it for you?"

"It's okay. I'm not that hungry." He turned around and faced Kai. "So. What is it about?"

"I... flunked in... Maths."

Kai's father sighed. "Why?"

"It wasn't on purpose."

"Kai." His tone changed tautened into a concerned one. "Did something happen?"

A lot of things had been happening and Kai didn't tell half of it to his father. "I just... during the exam... You know, headache."

His father frowned. "Is it… getting worse?"

"No. Don't worry," he lied.

He exhaled heavily. Nowadays, his father was always so exhausted. He had been taking up multiple shifts so that they could save up in order for Kai to undergo the surgery. But even Kai knew there was no way his father could rake up that amount of money without selling his kidney or something, which his father definitely would if it came down to that. So, Kai came up with a little white lie. That he was getting better. The rest of it couldn't be considered as lies. He just didn't tell anything to anyone anymore, not even the doctors. He missed the hospital appointments on purpose and never told his father, who was always busy at work. When the time came, Kai knew what he should do.

A bundle of nerves. In his brain. Ready to burst at any time.

"You should get some rest," Kai told his father.

"You should too," his father sighed. "Is Sehun here?"

"Yeah. He's sleeping."

"Go to bed then."

"All right. Good night, dad."

"Good night."

He liked it better this way. His father wasn't so stressed as he was before. Unless they were preparing for the surgery, the hospital appointments were useless anyway.

* * *

"This is. So... Difficult!" Sehun growled, struggling with the tie.

"Come here." Kai adjusted the tie and his collars while Sehun beamed from ear to ear. "Why are you smiling like that?"

"Can we walk back home together today?"

Kai didn't reply and grabbed his bag before heading downstairs. They walked together to Kai's school and Kai didn't even say goodbye as Sehun drifted away to his own school. What could he say? Sehun seemed too happy about them being together. The truth was, Kai was too. Only that he wasn't sure when the bomb would go off.

Just like the day before, Sehun was waiting for Kai outside the school under the scorching afternoon sun. This was a thing Kai hated about Sehun. He didn't care about anything, he would wait for Kai under any situation, at any ungodly hour. Just like four years back during Christmas holidays. Kai had asked Sehun to wait for him outside a CD store and had completely forgotten about him. He went back to the CD store to get Sehun after three or four hours and Sehun was still waiting, in the cold. It could have been because Sehun didn't know how to get home on his own.

"Kai!" Sehun chimed as Kai approached him. "My teacher gave me so much work today!"

"Hm." Kai started walking and Sehun tagged along like a puppy.

"My bag's so heavy."

Kai pulled Sehun's backpack off his shoulders and carried it for him all the way back home while Sehun sang nursery rhymes which he had been learning for eighteen years. "Go home, Sehun," Kai said. "I'll see you later."

"Can you come home with me?"

"Not now."

"Then when? Pleaseee."

"I said not now!" Kai snapped and Sehun flinched back, eyes filled with horror. "Go home for fuck's sake," he mumbled and stomped into his house before slamming the door shut at Sehun's face. He heard Sehun kick the door and Kai broke into a sob.

* * *

  
This was wrong. All this while, Kai hadn't thought about how Sehun would deal with the consequences. He liked Sehun a tad too much to even imagine him in a tough spot like that. It wasn't like Kai was going to die tomorrow itself, but one day he might and what would happen to Sehun then?

"Hi, Mrs. Jung. Where's Sehun?" Kai asked the nanny.

"Oh. He's in his room but he told me to not to let you in and feed you to the 'big bad wolf'," she said, frowning confusedly.

Kai laughed despite himself. "Can you tell him that I said I'm sorry and ask him to come by later?"

"I will." She smiled and closed the door.

By the next minute, Sehun was standing at Kai's doorstep. "Took you long enough," Kai said, leaning against the doorframe, smirking.

Sehun was scowling with his plushie in one hand. He dug into his pocket and fished something out. He held the buttons out on his palm, still glaring. "I gave it to Kai."

"Are you going to come in?"

"You will yell at me and scold me."

"I'm sorry. I wasn't in the mood earlier." He grabbed the buttons from Sehun's hand before hauling him into the house.

"I was beating you," Sehun said.

"Me? Oh. You mean your plushie." Sehun had a plushie named after Kai and whenever Kai argued with him or made him mad, he used to punish the plushie. He even drowned the plushie once in a basin full of water when Kai rebuked him for drawing in his school's notebook and then he had cried because his plushie had drowned.

"Yes. Kai must be punished." He scowled and then smiled.

"Why not beat me now?" Kai raised Sehun's hand to his chest and hit himself with Sehun's hand.

"No!" Sehun yanked his hand back. "Sehun love Kai." He threw his arms around Kai and hugged him. Kai grinned, wrapping his arms around Sehun's lean body.

* * *

  
"It's not so bad," Kai answered when Sehun asked him if college was bad. "You know, just tough."

"You are going to college." Sehun smiled, gazing out the window at the starry night sky. "Sehun can't."

"Who told you that? Of course, you will."

"Sehun is stupid, Kai." He was still smiling. He leaned his head onto Kai's shoulder and hummed a familiar tune.

"You are the most brilliant person I know."

"Kai is handsome."

"That is true." Kai loved moments like this, though. It was so peaceful. In the dark room, it was just them, gazing out the window, sitting comfortably on the bed. They used to do this every night when they were children but back then, Kai was childish as well.

"Sleepy," Sehun muttered and lied down. Kai scooted to take his place beside Sehun and hurled the plushie down, which was laying between the pillows. "Kai!" Sehun screeched and slapped Kai on his chest. Kai was uncertain if he was crying after the plushie or screaming at him. He crawled off the bed and grabbed back his plushie before returning to the bed. He kicked Kai's ankle and lied down.

Kai chuckled, shaking his head and pulled Sehun close until their chests were pressed together. "Sleep before I kiss you."

Sehun immediately closed his eyes. Kai pecked on Sehun's lips and kissed his forehead.

* * *

It wasn't the same pain. It was no longer the same amount.

Kai jolted up, gritting his teeth, wanting to bite his tongue off. At least that pain would be bearable. Sehun was still sleeping at his side as he stumbled off the bed and fell to the floor. It felt as though the veins on his temples were about to explode from the pounding as he hurried to the bathroom. He wished that the nerves would just fucking burst already. Tears rolled down his cheeks unchecked as he ripped the cupboard open in the bathroom and fumbled around for the painkillers. A couple of bottles spilled out and his head pounded harder. He clenched his teeth and groaned, crying ferociously. He wanted to throw his guts up but couldn't. He could barely blink his eyes.

Once he had found the painkillers, he popped the pills into his mouth and swilled the water straight from the tap. Kai couldn't think of anything but the brain-numbing pain. He needed it to stop. To stop forever. He grabbed the sleeping pill bottle and swallowed down countless more pills. Then another bottle which he didn't know what the contents were. He just swallowed all the pills he could get his hands on. He then sank on the bathroom's floor, holding his head in his arms, and groaning heavily.

"Please, please, please," he cried. "Kill me already!" He reached up for the sleeping pills and took in another huge dosage. He knew it would be one of these days but not this soon though.

After some minutes, the headache subdued a little. Or Kai might have become immune to it just like always. He stood back up and stepped out of the bathroom only to find Sehun sitting up, wearing a horrified face. Kai ground his teeth, trying to remain calm. He prayed that the pills would kick in fast.

"Why… are you up?" he asked in a coarse voice.

"I had a nightmare," Sehun replied quietly, rubbing his eye on the back of his hand.

Kai slid back into bed and pulled Sehun to lie down in his arms. "It's okay. Learn to fight your nightmares, Sehun." Kai kissed the top of Sehun's head. "Don't be scared."

"I am not scared when Kai is here." Sehun nuzzled his nose into Kai's neck.

Kai's head continued to throb, as though someone was pounding it with a hammer on the inside, and he hoped that this would all be over in a while. "Sehun."

"Hm?"

"Promise me that you won't follow me where I go."

"What? Why?"

"Just promise me that or I will… eat your nose."

"No. Don't eat my nose. But Sehun want to go with Kai to college."

Kai sighed. "Perhaps in another life." He drew back to take a good look at Sehun's face. "Thank you for your buttons."

Sehun smiled. "You are welcome."

Kai brought Sehun's hand to his lips and kissed his palm. "Don't be mad at me, okay?"

"Why?" Sehun frowned.

Kai just smiled and hugged him again. "Sleep."

Perhaps in another life...

* * *

It was always nice to wake up next to Kai in the morning. He was always so warm and that was one of the main reasons Sehun liked sleeping with him. But today, that warmth was gone, replaced by coldness.

How would Sehun describe Kai? One word, handsome. He had learned and understood the meaning of this word a couple of years back. Ever since, he concluded that Kai was the only handsome man in his life. Both in and out. Just several weeks back, Sehun's English teacher had asked him to stand up in class and talk about his hero. Of course, not being able to understand the term right, he questioned the teacher of what a hero was and the whole classroom laughed. But after the teacher had explained, he comprehended that it was someone he admired. Another roar of laughter wove in the classroom when Sehun said that he admired his neighbour the most in this world. And when the teacher asked why, he replied simply because Kai borrowed him his shoes and washed his hair, which rendered his classmates breathless of laughing. Sehun was happy though that his answer was able to make the others laugh.

But that was when Sehun realized that he did admire Kai and Kai was his hero.

There were also times when Sehun hated Kai. For instance, when Kai scolded him for picking up shards of broken glass from the road. They seemed pretty but Kai said that glass was dangerous and harmful. Or like the other time when Sehun wandered away in the bookstore behind a puppy and its owner. Kai grabbed his arm harshly and snapped at him but Sehun had gotten angry and said that the puppy was cute. He had punished his plushie Kai as soon as he came home that day.

And there were moments when he totally knew Kai was handsome. Like when Kai saved him from a vicious stray chihuahua the other day. It was barking relentlessly and just wouldn't let Sehun pass. Vicious thing. Kai shooed it away like a hero and Sehun thought he was handsome then. And when Kai gave Sehun half of his chocolate milk, Sehun was happy and Kai appeared to be handsome then too.

"Can I have that one?" Sehun had asked, pointing at Kai's vanilla ice-cream. Kai sighed but gave Sehun his, exchanging it with Sehun's chocolate ice-cream. When Sehun had finished the vanilla, he kept staring at Kai's chocolate ice-cream cone. Sighing again, Kai handed the cone to Sehun and let him finish it off. Even then, Kai was handsome for Sehun.

All the warmth was gone in an instant. The alarm clock cawed cacophonously and Sehun mumbled in his sleep angrily before getting up. He turned the alarm off and rubbed his eyes, looking over at Kai, who was still sound asleep.

"Kai," he whined, wanting to go back to sleep. Normally, Kai would be the one to wake Sehun up. But today, he was still sleeping. "Kaaaaaai," he mewled and shook Kai's chest. "We will be late for school."

Kai didn't wake up. Sehun pouted, sticking his lower lip out.

"Okay. No need to go to school," Sehun said and laid his head on Kai's cold chest.

For hours, Sehun slept on Kai's chest. Then Kai's father sauntered into the room and everything turned too loud for Sehun suddenly. Kai's father was sobbing and Sehun was standing awkwardly in a corner, staring in bewilderment at the father cradling Kai's body in his arms, weeping heavily.

"He's sleeping, Mr. Kim," Sehun muttered, scowling. "Don't disturb him."

Kai's father glanced up at Sehun with red and watery eyes.

* * *

  
Sehun didn't grow up. He was still friends with Kai. Only that Kai's grave couldn't talk back to him.

"My dad said I can go wherever I want if I score well in my next exam," Sehun said, sprawled before Kai's gravestone. This was what he did every day after school; spend time with Kai. It took Sehun about two years to actually understand that Kai was really dead like his mother.

"I will do well, Kai," he said smiling and sat up from the grass. "Then Sehun is going with youuu!" he chimed excitedly. "Wait okay." He placed the two blue buttons before the gravestone on the grass and then picked them up again. He held it to his chest and grinned. He didn't even get to go to Kai's funeral because he was not allowed to.

"Sehun love Kai," he whispered and brushed his fingers on the gravestone. "Kai love Sehun."

_"Sooooo much, Sehun..."_

 


End file.
